Saturday, September 27, 2003

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i jus realised how dependent i am on the pple ard me. as in.. i've never tot tt i was a veri mature and independent person.. my frens and family have made sure i realised tt. but now tt i'm here in glasgow.. i realised the extent of my dependence on others.

back home my parents are alwaes there.. reminding me to drink more water.. sending and fetching me.. telling me wat to do and wat not to do. even my frens take care of me. maybe tt's why i alwaes hated walking ard orchard by myself. to a certain extent my decisions and actions are based on my frens' opinions. they're alwaes there to remind me of things.. to give advices abt things.. to help me do things.. to jus be there to reassure me tt someone will be there if i need any help.

and now i'm all alone. it's scary. esp when i realise tt i haf totally no one to depend on here.. jus myself.. and God. in all my nearly-19 years i have never been alone. and frankly i'm disgusted wif myself.. for not being independent.. for alwaes wanting to rely on someone else.. for needing someone else's existence to make me feel at ease. it's gross.

jus the other dae i was walking along byres rd.. and there was this guy walking beside me. and i wanted to hold on to his arm so much coz he reminded me of my father. i miss my father. i used to alwaes hold on to his arm.. and he'll complain tt i'm making him feel hot. now it's even colder.. and i realli realli want to hold on to someone.

oh well.. maybe it's time for me to learn to be independent. it's going to be hard.. i noe tt alreadi. but maybe it's for the best..

l'avance at 9:03 AM

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