have u ever envisioned a life detached from emotions.. a life without emotional baggage or responsibilities? i have.. and it is rather appealing. purely rational. sadness and worry kept to a minimum. responsible only for myself. no one to answer to.. apart from God and myself.
and i do understand.. that no sadness doesn't mean happiness. but given a choice between
no sadness and
both sadness and happiness.. my choice
right now would be fairly easy. i've never had that kind of happiness before.. i won't miss it.
i used to long for that kind of happiness precisely because i've never had it. maybe it was so far from me i never saw what's accompanying it. now that i've seen it.. i don't want it. selfish? maybe. i like doing things at my own whim and fancy.. i
enjoy it. and i'm not ready to give that luxury up..
maybe all along God knew.. even tho i didn't know it myself..