i think i'm just scared. scared of the uncertain, scared of the difficult. scared of facing it so i avoid it. you know what they say though, you can run but you can't hide. that's probably true for almost everything. you can't avoid something forever. there'll come a time when you have to face it eventually.
i've been using preparation as an excuse to put off facing my fears. preparing myself emotionally, preparing the perfect setting, preparing suitable reactions for lots of 'maybe's, preparing everything i can think of. it's a freaking excuse and i know it. no amount of preparation is going to make me feel ready enough.. ever.
so what do i do now? i'm still scared.