seasons out of time
There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
The Long-Awaited Snow Theory
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Hope has breathed its last in me
Snow has faded into a distant dream
And those thoughts are no longer mine
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it finally snowed today. i was so happy. gleeful even. maybe bcos i've been waiting so long for it.. so long tt i actually gave up waiting and not care about it at all. then it came.. and when it did.. it made everything more beautiful..
so.. no matter wat u've been wanting desperately.. and no matter how long u've been waiting.. maybe it's time to let go.. to be more broad-minded and live as well as u can w/o it. den maybe then it will come.. the thing u've been yearning for. cos the unexpected alwaes happens, doesn't it? and when it comes.. it makes u understand wat "everything is beautiful in its time" means..
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
But when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure. One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it, unless it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering.
- Persuasion
All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone.
-Persuasion
just had another ceilidh..
the last time i went for a ceilidh.. i onli knew one person. this time i knew more.. and.. more friends = more fun? i dunno.. but the point is.. there has been changes since the last ceilidh i went to.
i wonder wat would have changed by the time i go to another ceilidh..
Sunday, January 25, 2004
my fren jus got attached..
i'm not jealous or anything.. just wondering when my turn will come.. and if it will ever come..
and i'm not saying that i want to get attached either.. just that sometimes i get so tired of trying to be independent n grown up.. and it's so nice to have someone to depend on. just sometimes.
but i really should start learning to get used to this life of independence shouldn't i? especially since i'm all alone now. and probably will be for a long time to come..
What people respond to, what is such a mistake, is not that you are different, but that you are ashamed that you are different.
-Elegance
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
u noe how sometimes u meet someone who reminds u of someone else.. someone from the past.. someone u've known b4.. and maybe even someone who means quite a bit to u.
and altho u noe the person is a different person.. a part of u treats her as the same person.. and ur first impression of the person.. regardless of wat the person is like.. has alreadi been made from the moment u decided that tt person reminds u of someone else. and tt impression may not be fair.. to both u and the person. tt impression is based on someone else's memory.
and when u finally realised that they're two completely different pple.. u can't help feeling disappointed. disappointed bcos the person isn't who u believed her to be.. and disappointed bcos u've been stupid enuf to actually think that they're exactly the same just bcos she reminds u of that person.. bcos u got carried awae.. and bcos it's all ur own fault tt u're feeling disappointed aniwae.
den again.. maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. u learn from ur mistakes. and this time.. maybe u'll learn not to make hasty conclusions abt anyone or anything..
had vs again todae. hehehe.. my ou xiang so funny..
"some people rockclimb. i don't rockclimb. i won't even stand on a pebble."
we were talking abt risks n how it's subjective cos wat some pple see as a risk may not be a risk to others. he said it in such a funny way!!!
i want to grow up to be exactly like him. apart from the balding..
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
first chinese new yr away from home.. does feel a bit sad. and when u're sad u start thinking..
i've learnt to be more independent, but haven't learnt to be more mature.
i've learnt to get used to being alone, but haven't learnt to appreciate solitude.
i've learnt to accept and live with the fact that i'm different, but i haven't learnt to treasure my differences.
i've learnt to think more and speak less, but my thoughts haven't changed.
have i changed? not really.
have i grown? not much.
maybe it's time to really put in effort to grow up.
u noe how u can be frens (close frens even) wif someone and yet u can't realli get along wif the person..
for instance, u may have really different personality.. and what makes u frens is common interests. so u can enjoy each other's company n be realli close.. and yet u cannot connect or understand each other.
was just thinking abt it. may be moving out to private accomodation next yr. i dun think i can take one more yr of packing n unpacking thrice a yr. and i dun realli fancy the thought of moving into squashed up flats.
but moving out brings up the qn of flatmates. i would realli need flatmates i can get along with. not just frens.. but frens i actually -get along with-. having common interests etc is not enuf.. living wif a person needs more than that. if u can't connect wif the person.. u'll have to tolerate him/her. and there's a limit to everyone's tolerance n patience. and the problem is.. i can't say i have a high level of tolerance..
Monday, January 19, 2004
i dun believe in coincidences.. or accidents..
like how two pple can be in the same supermarket but oblivious to each other's presence because they're separated by a row of things..
or like how two pple went to each other's place to look for each other at the same time.. and missed each other for the sole reason tt they're looking for each other..
it's actually heartening to realise that. cos i realise that no matter wat i do.. in e end what was meant to be will prevail. and it is a relief isn't it? to noe that if it doesn't happen the way i want it to.. it probably doesn't matter.
it realli puts everything into perspective.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
listening to the ost of sound of colours now. not tt great.. just a few nice songs tt's all. but den again.. that's alwaes the case wif osts..
just recalled wat candice said after watching sound of colours. it's a pity that she's blind.. she'll never noe tt she got such a gdlooking guy.
which is true.. tho i'm trying veri hard not to be shallow. i noe tt it's the love tt matters.. tt it wouldn't have mattered even if he was old n fat n short n balding. but if we just take the superficial.. it's such a waste.
u have something realli gd and u can't even appreciate it.
it's abt the same as having a realli gd bf who is realli realli xi4xin1 etc etc.. but not appreciating his xi4xin1-ness.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
this is realli out-dated.. i'm watching survivor's law now. didn't have a choice.. when my mother came last term she made me choose between survivor's law n not just a pretty face. obviously i chose my guo jin an. ha.
aniwae.. ben is so sweet. even tho he's so black n ugly i still can't help liking him. haizzzzz....
how many guys will so graciously step aside when the girl he likes get attached? and doesn't do a single thing to try to break the couple up. and actually help them get back together!!! how many guys will continue liking the girl and being so nice to her even tho she and her bf are so happy together?
not a lot.. i bet. do u actually think such a guy exist??? i hope so..
"u're not learning -my- communication skills, but developing ur own."
i realli realli love vs. i think i must be the only one in the whole sch who feels that way. everyone else (and i mean everyone) thinks vs is a waste of time.
todae's vs wasn't my ou xiang.. but i still learnt lots of stuff. and it's so true.. wat dr scott said.. that we're there not to learn her comm skills.. but to develop our own. seriously i can't imagine myself as a doctor most of the time.. it's onli during vs that i actually feel that i'm on the road to being a doctor.
and one of those simulated patients (actors) graduated from this acting sch tt billy boyd graduated from!!! and they were from the same yr!!! i was sooo sooo tempted to ask if he could get me billy boyd's autograph.. but den i'm a doctor-to-be.. can't afford to lose my dignity..
Monday, January 12, 2004
don't know why.. but i feel really sad whenever i shower.
(... that sounded positively perverted..)
it's not that there's anything sad abt the shower.. just that it makes me feel sad all of a sudden. u're all cold and then u turn on the tap.. and the hot water hits u. doesn't it make u feel sad? sad enuf to actually feel as tho u're choking back the tears.
i dun think i'm making sense. wat i mean is.. it's not the hot water that is sad. i just feel sad for no apparent reason. maybe it's bcos the flow of water is realli strong. or maybe it's bcos the water is realli hot. or maybe it's just me..
i realli dunno why i feel sad whenever i shower.. but that's the way it is. maybe it's some biochem thing..
Thursday, January 01, 2004
if u haf a choice.. would u rather haf a boring but sweet and happy love story or one with lots of heartaches and lots of tears and lots of strong emotions?
if u and ur love have to be separated.. would u rather him/her miss u real bad and be as sad and depressed as u are.. or get over u fast and find happiness somewhere else?
how would u feel if he/she moved on b4 u did.. if he/she found someone else when u're still loving him/her?
if u weren't together anymore.. would u do all u can to forget him/her.. or would u keep loving in the hope of reconciliation? would u persevere or would u let go?
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