Thursday, September 20, 2007

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here again. thought i would have grown out of it by now. ha.

all of a sudden all the will i've had just dissipated.. all the energy drained. and all i feel like doing is hide under the duvet and sleep. maybe it's the withdrawal effect after 3 weeks of adrenalin high.

so this is it. it's over. or maybe not.

lots of issues to be identified here.. not just the obvious one staring at you in the face. what about my own sense of self? what about what i want to do with my life? what about knowing what i really want? what about the person i'll be in the future? what about my future?

but that's it. those thoughts end there when i remember that this is it. this is the end. 3 weeks seem so short now.. yet it seemed like life didn't exist before that. (ok that's a bit of an exaggeration.. ha.)

to be honest i'm quite surprised that i'm still capable of these feelings. i would have thought i've long left behind that phase in my life. or maybe, worryingly, it's just latent.. dormant.. subconscious.. and waiting to be let out. scary thought. but it's a good thing. definitely a good thing. it's only the extremity that scares me.

i'll get over it eventually. who knows.. maybe in a few days i'll forget all about it. who knows. but do i want to forget about it? do i want to get over it? this doesn't come easy.. let me indulge for as long as i can. even this sense of loss at the end of it is better than nothing.

so maybe 只在乎曾经拥有 makes sense after all.

l'avance at 7:58 PM

这沉重的心情 怎么这么熟悉
被压迫的感觉 好疲惫的感觉 怎么这么熟悉
是我注定要绕了一圈又一圈 重复着同一个故事吗
同一个故事 不一样的主角 同样的伤感
一次又一次地失去 一次又一次地挣扎
又回到了这里
是终点还是原点 早已分不清楚

l'avance at 7:44 PM

friends

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chatz

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